I never knew you to be kind or what my name sounds like drenched in your pride.
I don’t know you to be gentle in your conversation and I’m starting to forget what your eyes look like in the morning.
You put me on a plane, handed me a one way ticket and my in flight refreshment was the hope that I can still taste, although now bitter and rotten. It’s amazing to me how one man can be so many things but never what you imagined.
-imagined by Kelley Stephens
There will come a time I will ask you if I smell like death.
My life might have started to resemble ripped stitches.
Sometimes the world slaps me so hard it feels like I’ve been cut.
This is the reason I wear makeup so thick.
I vomit while laying on my back, the flies lay eggs in my mouth.
Maybe I will choke or my questioning of death will come out as a gurgle.
Suppose that’s the only way I can get you to answer.
-Talk To You Soon
by Kelley Stephens
“I have lost all my pride,
and for having no shame,
I really do feel so heavy today.” -Kelley Stephens (Random thought)
Today I allowed myself to laugh. Really genuinely laugh. It was the strangest feeling, so much so that it almost felt wrong in a million ways.
Then, that ridiculous song you like so much ended up being a part of the movie I was watching. As two men fought over the one girl; intended to be funny, of course leave it to me to cry. So, I did and continued all throughout the night.
Yesterday I begged you to listen.
I knew just what was coming.
Last week I begged for something different.
Pseudo comfort or a small commitment perhaps.
Last month I begged for something similar,
to hear me out or to hear you, simply say it.
Last month, I played the waiting game,
And last year the same. Beg and wait.
Two years ago, you were sneaking around.
I begged to be seen and was drowned,
had a break down and broke down again,
we laid down, pinned down and for a while,
I thought we were becoming whole,
coming back home to unwind and settle in.
Two years ago, on this day, we did not speak.
Oh how things change.
And how I hate it.
Today I beg to spill into, one, single,
and not so devastatingly lonely place.
Does it bleed you to give?
– Shameless by Kelley Stephens
I could tell you in detail
what the walk looks like
at midnight, 2 a.m., even 5
never having seen the familiar
yards and fences during daylight
it’s impressive how someone can
feel so close from a distance
a breeze that carries you off
to where he’ll lift up your skirt
or the song in your headphones
his floor, leaking emotions
as he walks on I squint
getting stuck in the hold position
he forgot to let me off the hook
scratched and skipping I’m on
– Repeat by Kelley Stephens
I am not layers of secrets I am simply complex.
You are scared because you don’t know what you are supposed to fear.
Trust comes easily when we are together intimately or during life and death situations.
I said I wouldn’t go away and now I stand around even though I am a runner by nature.
You said you forgave the darkest parts of me, yet still shouting I don’t know you!
Come explore me, my mind my body heart and soul,
My bare cheek and again when it’s covered in my grief,
In my darkness you will know the light innocent parts of me.
Simply and Truly.